Buck

this is the first time ive cried in over a year. I can't stop. I miss her so much I don't think she even knows. I dont understand how she sends me text saying how much she misses me and how shes sorry for ignoring me. but doesnt text me back for over an hour now. I saw her once on a weekend in the span of a month, yet she has gone to concerts and is currently at a birthday party. I call cause I havent been able to in about a month, i talk for about 2 minutes and her friend calls and I have to hang up cause Ive been on hold for I dont know how long.

Fuck this

So I just saw the last movie that I or anyone else will ever see in AMC Theatres in Encinitas. It is really actually saddenning cause well what are stupid kids like me going to have "growing up" here now? 7-11 or Starbucks I suppose, which is really very depressing. Oh well.

you and me girl aint nothin but mammals so lets do it like they do it on the discovery channel. GETTIN HORNY NOW!!! do do...

So I'm sitting here in my room after a day of school with a giant gash in my forehead from wrestling and a beer on my desk. School was good, for the first time i brought my sketchbook to school and I drew in it all day. It was really fun, but while i was drawing it seemed kind of like all of my stuff was the same and that people would judge it poorly and what not, (I know great adjectives huh?) But then I started thinking about it and I realized that it doesn't fucking matter what they think because a) it's my art, and b) I'm not making a living off of it so I don't have to impress anyone. But most importantly I think what I draw looks trippy and cool.
Now to the gash on my forehead. It looks delicious. I got during wrestling when someone elbowed me in the head, and so I came home and my parents glued it, and then they gave me a beer. But most importantly my step-dad made delicious chicken.

Today was a good day. I hung out with Max and I got myself mind fucked like no other. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I've been contemplating becoming a true anarchist/hobo. The reasons why I hesitate to become a true anarchist/hobo is because of A)The social stigma of becoming said anarchist/hobo (dumb reason eh?) B) because of the luxury a capitalistic/consumer based lifestyle provides,so I suppose you can add me to the number of angsty teens that want to do something with their lives yet are to afraid to. But why am I so afraid? I think it's jsut because of the drastic change it can bring, and that fact that humans are afraid of change,it is ever apparent and I see examples of it every day. That is why I think some of the bums and "societal outcasts" are truly some of the more enlightened people of today.

Today was pretty dank, I had some fun with lily and carrie and justine for sweet b-day action. Good times. Then I got home and played some GTA, and my mom said her vodka was missng, it was then that I realized one of the second best feelings in the world, and that is having a clean conscience and actually being innocent for once. The other feeling that's really good, that I was going to post but haven't found the words yet for, and I've also been to lazy to post it. It's the feeling that I get when I look into Maxine's eyes, it's honestly one of the first times I've ever been able to look into someones eyes for more than a second and not feel awkward. It's an amazing feeling that just brings a smile to my face, and why I'm writing about it now is because she's been gone for the past 3 days and I've missed it and I keep thinking about it.

Both equally tough matches, and both equally pointless. Last night I had my first
Varsity match and not only did I get pinned I tripped going onto the mat to wrestle. I've been trying tonot let it bother me, but deep down it hurts alot. I feel I don't have any respect with the varsity wrestlers, and I feel like a shitty wrestler despite what some people say. Then there is life, which I have no idea what I'm going to do with. I'm probably going to get out of High School one way or another and join the military cause there really aren't pre requisites and I won't feel like as much of a failure as I do now. Eventually I'd like to own a pub, but I've been told that that is a fools game. It's funny how one douche can ruin your hopes and dreams with a few words.

as many of you know, some of my friends and i once made a music mag called redux, here are some cd reviews i wrote...

Nickel Creek
Nickel Creek

To be perfectly honest, this is one of the few album’s I’ve listened to all the way through in one sitting. Which is saying something considering I have the attention span of a gnat. But I digress.
Nickel Creek starts off with an explosive, (or at least as explosive as you can get with bluegrass) instrumental Ode to a Butterfly, and is really one of the highlights of this album, along with House of Tom Bombadil, which is also an instrumental. But what really stands out about this band is the fact that they can have several instrumentals in a day and age where almost no one does them, and be amazing.
However, going by the singers voice it sounds like they have two chicks in the band, but that is really the only bad thing you can say about this album except for the song Out of the Woods which I personally don’t like but does indeed have some musical merit. But in any case you should buy this album because Nickel Creek and Johnny Cash are the only reasons why I don’t say all country is terrible.

The Clash
Give ‘em Enough Roe

This album is by all means a “good” album; however what this album lacks is the ability to be a good Clash album, the ability to have almost every song on the album be good, and different. There are some gems in this album, such as “Tommy Gun,” and (my favorite) “Julies Been Working for the Drug Squad.” The other songs, although decent, just aren’t that outstanding.
This album is different in another way however, because it was produced by Sandy Pearlman who did Blue Oyster Cult, which is why this album sounds significantly cleaner. All in all this is a good album, you should definitely have it (I personally don’t suggest buying it), it’s just not quite a classic.

The Specials
The Specials

This album is one of my personal favorites, not to mention one of, if not the greatest album in all of Ska music. Not only do The Specials pay tribute to their forefathers by covering song such as “A Message to You Rudy,” and also “Monkey Man,” but they also have spectacular songs of their own such as, “Concrete Jungle” and “Do the Dog.” This album, if just listened through, not really paying attention to any of the lyrics, sounds like Raffi if he got a hold of a Sax. When actually listened to however, you hear the deeper meaning of some songs such as “To Much To Young,” which speaks out against teen pregnancy and marriage. You have to own this Album, no matter how much you may detest generally happy music.

Wolfmother
Wolfmother

Hmm, where to begin with this album, It’s fairly decent maybe a decade or to late but still good. This album is full of nostalgia and will take you back to the 70's with crazy power ballads such as there opening track “Colossal,” however they still apparently feel the need to be newer with songs such as, “Apple Tree” and “Joker and Thief,” which sound like a mix of The White Stripes and Sabbath, (but coincidentally they are my favorite songs.) Overall is a good album and I suggest having it.

And I have learned a lot. The value of life, the value of friendship. The value of life I've learned this week through one of my best friends brothers who I feel truly sorry for and hope he pulls through, and I realize how fast life can go from you. The value of friendship was displayed tonight while I was hanging out with Carrie and Justine. I realized how much they impact my life and how much more dull it would be without them. So when I got home I patched things up with one of my best friends ever because I realized how unsatisfied with my life I was without him.

Sorry I haven't updated my LJ. Because of recent events, everything I kind of want to write down seems to insignificant and disrespectful.

So today started off as many other days do, and that is waking up. What a strange thing waking up is. It can be so happy knowing that you have at least one more day on this earth, and at the same time it can make you incredibly upset for the same reason. Which is why I respect this natural phenomenon above all others, and also because I was one of the fortunate 6 billion to wake up this morning. Of these 6 billion there is currently one family that I send my heart out to. That is the Denniston family, I feel so incredibly bad and I hope your brother will be better Carrie, I can't even imagine how hard it is for you, and if you need anything, and I mean anything. Find me

Yay Borat I love him. i also loved today, casue today was amaizing. I got to hang out with Maxine forever pretty much, and it was really fun. I also got really far on need for speeed underground and then we saw Borat with Sohini, good times. It's a good beginnning to this break. I also made a new jacket out of one of my denim ones.

Sucks fat donkey dick, and nothing more. On a side note everything other than that was muy dank. I got to hang with friends (fun) and make out with Maxine (slightly mroe fun), and then after the show I got to unleash my rage by playing Eve 6 in the blackbox (quite fun).

You know how I was talking about the Freudian cycle earlier. Well the bottom half was most deffinitely today. In other words, today sucked alot, alot alot. I got to talk to maxine for about 5 minutes, and that was about the only human interaction that wasn't with Thespians all day long. Ehk, I don't know how much more I can handle of this. I just can't deal anymore, not to mention school jsut completely blows because I have to go and deal with my teachers and then with shitty ass kids that can't fucking understand history yet I have c-. FUCK IT!!! I'm just done and over life and I really just need some love.

Was so sweet it was amaizing. I got to go paintballing the Wrestling team, and even thought I suck it was fun and way worth it, cause I got to hang out with all my friends and play with guns. Afterwards I got to hang out with Maxine and we "watched" Oh Brother Where Art Thou and 40 Year Old Virgin, and despite being awkwardly interrupted by my step-dad, we still managed to have fun.

Life continues as it usually does. People come and go, go and come, and it seems nothing really gets accomplished. Especially in Tech Theater, I have no idea how much progress I've actually made but I hope its enough. I'm so afraid that it won't work out, not because I'll be dissapointed, but because so many other people are dependent upon it.
Maxine just txted me that what she was doing wasn't as fun as hanging out with me. Little things like that make life worth living, it brings a strange kind of satisfaction that I really can't get any other way. It's like it just verifies my life, in some strange way. Which I've been looking forward to for awhile.
Tomorrow is paintball which means I get to run around and pop bitches and then after wards hang out with Maxine.
I once read about this one theory that freud came up with. That emotions are like a circle, no matter how happy you are one minute eventually you'll come back down equally and be equally sad. Well I've been really happy for the past couple of days and it makes me afraid of whats going to happen....

Today was a good day. I finished my tech work, I went to CSZ where I got to see my two best buds Sam Stern and Cody Reiss. Then after I cruised around Encinitas with carrie and Justine and Gina and Emily for a lil while, and I was so happy it was amazing, and right after that I found out LCC won, and soon I hope I get to go hang with Maxine. All is well in the life of Buck.

So right now I'm talking to a pretty dank girl, while Madagascar plays downstairs and lemurs are shouting "move it move it." Today was a strange day and days seem to be getting stranger and stranger. I don't really know what it is and if I'm losing my grip on reality, or maybe cause I'm just looking back on my day now and it seems strange but w/e. In any case Wait Until dark is going to open up soonish and I'm really excited but really scared at the same time too cause I've never run the soundboard during a show before and it's kind of intimidating, but whatever. I took the ASVAB today which is a job placement thingy, which I actually think is a good idea, the only problem with it is is that it is funded by the military, so I'm probably going to get recruited soonish :).

So my last promise I didn't keep and that was a promise to keep my going on's in this Live Journal, but hopefully now I will. Lets start with an update. I'm a Sophmore at LCC were I do sound tech, and I wrestle there. I pride myself on my friends and how many I have, and I hope to have more as life goes on. Currently I may not be doing so well in school, but I'm doing well in life in my opinion, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I'm happy, I'm still trying my best and I'm happy (once again). I currently am employed the same way teachers are employed over summer, just I don't work during winter. I hope to some day own a pub, but I don't know if that will happen or not.